About 2 weeks has already passed from the D'encounter Camp 2011. One of the things that Pastor Nicky Raiborde shared was to eradicate negative thinking and thoughts about oneself and replace it will the real truths from the Bible. eg: I'm a wonderful creation of God instead of "I'm Fat" or "Oh look a pimple "
Then i stumble on this book called the 4:8 principle which is based on the verse above. Our whole life is guarded by our thoughts. Being humans, it's natural (due to our fallen nature) to think about the negative things. So, it's a mental discipline to think right in order to act right. I like what the author said, " If it wasn't that important to think right, apostle paul wouldn't have wrote it in the bible" .
We are created in his image so we should have the mindset of Christ. i'm speaking this to myself as i'm typing this out
Looking back this 2-3 years ,i think i battered myself the most negatively would be in the area of relationships. I kind think to much or rather too much negatively. I admit i'm insecure in this area.
1. I don't have best or close friends. I don't recall sharing lots of secrets or deep-stuff with people. I have a good friends which i sometimes share some secrets or personal stuff, but that's just on the water. I've come to keep a close guard to myself so that people won't judge me and i keep up to the "Pastor's Son" image. Not only that, around the world that is full of gossips, i do not want to be a subject of interest behind my back. It's funny though, i've counselled or listened to many of my good friends personal life ( i don't gossip)
and advise them but no one listend to mine or rather no one is interested?
I've become a wall.....yes a ranting-wall for others. I want to rant but i can't.
2. I often feel like people are my friends because of something? I donno whether it's my personality but i find it hard to find someone who likes me the way i am. Sometimes i really do wonder and from my thoughts i beat myself up thinking that i don't have true friends .
I wonder whether my classmates are my friends because i'm "gifted' so they want to learn from me and get my answers?
I wonder whether my Kuching friends are my friends because i have a car?
I wonder whether my church acquaintances are friendly with me just because i'm a Pastor's Son?
I wonder whether i'm given leadership roles in church or responsibilities because i'm a Pastor's Son or is because i'm really good at it?
I wonder is there anyone who really knows me the way i am?
It's Hard-hitting and i often cry silently in my heart because no one ever calls me up, sms me, or talk to me with a genuine " hey, how are you? " "I really want to know how was your day? " But often it's a Can you help me with my homework? Can you drive today? Can you play the piano for me? Can you do this or can you do that? Go ahead and check my sms. At least half would be that way. I've never had an sms that said " Hey i feel something's not up with you, mind to share with me? " I kinda get jealous when my other friends do that to each other but not me. Gah, i'm trying not to be self-centered here but i really really really do want to know who are my friends that will last a lifetime, stick with me through thick and thin, bless each other, and support each other when needed. I know someone out there reading this must be like " you need a GF" but to me, if i'm still insecure, a 1000 GF wouldn't provide the calmness and peace for the relationship to last in the future. I need to know NOW.
Yes, though i'm a guy everyone deserves a little genuine touch from the heart.
3. I judge people before making friends with them. I know it's a bad habit that i need to correct but i really need to learn . I will scan the person from top to toe, their gestures, and their nature of their conversations. If it does not benefit me or is stand-offish from me i will leave or not make a point of talk to them again unless they start it. Hard to believe right? Of course i don't make it obvious. But i need to learn to overcome this as the bible says we should reach out to all and do not judge others. Sigh....
So yeah, to a start of a new year i need to find out these truths and correct my mindset so that i can receive more joy from the Lord. Wish me luck!
disclaimer: I'm still willing to drive , serve, advice, counsel and etc......Pls don't avoid me because of this post. It's just a thought and pondering about my life. Just give me a wave if you are a true friend. I may be wrong in my own thinking. Even if the rest wrongs me, I will choose not to dwell in the negativity. I move on, make new friendships and start again.